If you woke up this morning feeling great, poured yourself a cup of coffee, made it to work with relatively little hassle, and settled easily into your day with all the optimism and fresh-faced idealism of a bored, civic-minded rich kid, you're missing out on a mind-blowing experience that I feel compelled to share with you.
Go buy your mother her first computer.
Purchasing a computer for the otherwise technologically-illiterate is a surefire path to prescription medication, alchohol over-indulgence, and the eventual (but certain) completely new experience of the taste of gun metal in your mouth.
Back in the 80's, I should have seen this coming. I laughed out loud at the parents who made me come home whenever the electricity went out during a storm just to reset the blinking clock on the VCR. Oh, ho ho, so funny. And bite me in the ass it did.
I got tired of shopping for and booking all of my parents' flights on line, checking them in 24 hours before departure, and printing out their boarding passes and driving them over to their house. I got tired of them asking me about the mystery of "the email" and "the google". I thought that instead of my mother tirelessly bugging me for printouts of the 7,000 photos I take of my child in photographic hard copy format, I would purchase them a computer, thusly forcing their transition out of the Ottoman Empire and into the Space Age.
BOOM boom BOOM boom BOOM boom BOOM boom.... da.... da.... daaaaa..... DA DAAAA!
I tried to conduct our initial introductory classes in a helpful and pleasant manner, and thought they were successful. However, our following classes included such deflating questions from my parents such as "What's a mouse?" and "How do you turn this stupid thing on?". Now my mother just calls me in the middle of my workday, asks, "Are you busy?", gets a distracted "Yes", and then launches into a convoluted series of questions for the next fifteen minutes, the essence of which is "How do I print out page 2?".
Lucky for her, her future son-in-law has St. Teresa-like patience, and recently interrupted a dinner at a friend's house 6,000 miles away to log into a web-based program to access my mother's computer and help her to print out page two.
I was going to get her a GPS for her birthday.
She'll be getting a map and a magic marker.
2 comments:
Just wait until they figure out how to use email and they bombard your inbox with stupidity.
It's OK, M, we all have our moments where the hamster stops running on the wheel. For me, I decided to take $5 wielding 8 year-olds to the mall DURING PMS WEEK.
Man Bangs have overtaken decent man hairstyle !
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