NO MORE MR. NICE GUY. Seriously. It's Making Me Nuts.

Oh, the men I've dated. It reads like a Who's Who of the wall at the post office.

Now that I'm old, I decided it may be a good time to grow up and date someone with "a job", and "a place to live", and "no outstanding warrants".

New Guy's favorite shirts have long sleeves and buttons. A recap of his workday is like a giant sedative. He always identifies himself by name when he calls. Because in case Caller ID isn't enough, he's never going to rudely just assume that I recognize his voice. I guess he doesn't realize that most of the people that I regularly talk to call me with a mouthful of cheese, and when I answer, cough out a muttered "S'me" by way of greeting, and then proceed to silently stare at their monitor and read their email.

New Guy is painstakingly polite. He jokingly refers to any movement in our relationship towards a commitment as "The Taming of the Shrew".

Ha.

Heh.

My reaction to any of the crap music he listens to is akin to holding a lighter over my head and screaming "FREEBIRD!" and then secretly tossing his gross CD's out the car window while he's trying to read road signs. He doesn't care. He saves everything in protected files on his computer.

I have an incredibly busy workday, and often have to hang up in a milisecond to answer a call, or a Skype message, or an email in flames. I end calls with a "GOTTA GO BYE!" and usually hang up on him as he's saying "Ok, we'll talk later... take care.... goodbye", except to me it sounds like "O-" (slam!). When I make decisions, they're ususally done triage-style. They're done in a split second, like someone is holding up flash cards in front of my face. YES! YES! NO! NEED MORE INFO! NO! NO! He needs to form a committee to form a committee to address coming to a decision. And then he talks about how he arrived at that desicion, what he felt while making the decision, the unexpected side effects of the process of making a decision, the ramifications of said decision, what other people noted about his decision, and the entire time, I'm throwing myself on the ground and bleeding out my eyes, screaming "WRAP IT UP!!".

Who needs to change? Do I need to stop running around in circles, screaming and smacking myself in the head, or does he need to grow a pair and yell back every once in a while? Or both? Or neither? (Or should I be on my knees thanking the Great Pumpkin that there's someone kind, loving, and patient out there willing to put up with my cantankerous personality?) (FYI, I'm going with a big no on that one.)

This yucky relationship stuff is so frikkin' tedious.

FREEBIRD!