How are you? Shut up.

Today I was at Whole Foods. The cashier made eye contact, and said "Hello". I said "Hello”. He said "How are you?". I said "Fine, thank you, how are you", and he said nothing and started ringing up my groceries.

Why do we ask each other how we are?

And why, when someone we don't really know or have any particular connection to asks us how we are, do we say "fine, thank you, how are you"?

Seriously. Do you really care how I am? And seriously, am I ever really going to tell you? What if the answer was "gassy" or "in love with your husband"? What are you going to do with those bits of information?

What you're really saying with "how are you" is "I'm supposed to be interested in your well-being" or "I care about people other than myself". Do you really? Tell you what. I don't care.

Hello.