I'm coming to the realization that it's no easy task to find a man willing to date a woman with a three-year old. I don't really get why, though. She's the easiest thing on the planet. She's kind. She loves to have people around.

So the decision for now is, I'm not dating. I sat at a friend's dining room table the other night, and my friend's mom was giving me the Mom Advice that now that I'm not looking, "the right man" is going to show up right out of nowhere!

And I said, "No!! The reason I'm not looking - is because I really don't want to FIND anybody!"

I find myself believing less and less in that "right man". As I slowly (SLOWLY!) edge towards 40, I find it hard to meet someone who appreciates my strength and independence but can get around my inability to ask for help, even when I really do need it. I may be a tough rhino, but I need someone to see through that and throw their arms around me and take care of me sometimes, too. I'm trying to raise my girl with a little more softness. She doesn't need to be as tough as me. I've finally realized that my mom was tough on me so that I could be independent and take care of myself - something probably she wished she had in herself.... however, I think men sense this self-sufficiency in me. Yes, I can change my own tire/oil/timing belt. I can make a lovely lamb dinner for 12 with a nice risotto on short notice. I clean as if I came from a long line of Mexican housekeepers. (Funny, that.) I can do everything on three hours of sleep when needed. And although we'll never date again, I'll sit with you at your 12 step meetings, because I don't believe in not standing by someone's side when they're down. But just because I CAN do it all doesn't mean I want to. Relationships go very quickly for me from "baby, I'm going to buy you a car" to "where's my pants?".

I don't care where your pants are. Buy me a car.

But maybe, to men, my three-year old is just a hindrance. Maybe she's more work than other men are ready for. That's fine. I don't give a crap what anyone thinks. I look at this teeny child, who sings on command, and dances around the living room, and my heart just fills with love. She just wants to spend time with the people she loves, and she wants to play, and she wants to be read to. Her vocabulary is crazy, and her social skills are incredible. So maybe her being three is a dark mark in my datingability, but for me, there's nothing I'd rather do than slow down and enjoy every minute of her beautiful life. I'm the only mother she's ever going to have, and it's my job to make sure she grows up with this smile on her face and a sense of confidence from knowing that her little life was my priority.

Maybe someday, she'll buy me a car. :)