Halloween

Aunt Kara's in town! After throwing my laptop out the window and running away from my desk at 4:30pm, we picked up the kid, slapped some makeup on her, and headed over to Jeanne and Kevin's to go trick-or-treating with Brenden, Sean Patrick, and Nolan. (Excuse me. I believe a shillelagh and a bucket of shamrocks just fell out of my mouth.)

Apart from the creepy guy who answered the door in his boxers (Malena looked at him and asked, "Why don't you have a shirt on?" and the adults, being too laid back to pick up their kids and run screaming, all muttered a collective "Ewwwwww".) it was a beautiful night, and the kids were completely worn out by 8:30.

The Woman Who Frightened Me

Today I droppped my kid off at daycare.

There was a woman at the front desk, with a toddler continually tugging on her shirt while she tried to have a conversation.

"Just a minute. Hon, just a minute. Just a minute, sweetie, mama's talking. Sweetie, you need to be patient. Just a minute. Just a minute, baby. Just a minute..."

If that was my kid, he would have tugged on my shirt twice, and then wound up headfirst in the fish tank. But that's just me.

She had another smaller child on her hip, drooling all over himself, and when she swung back around to the receptionist, she looked to be about 11 months pregnant.

She looked like an opossum.

And I thought to myself, "Holy crap", and my ovaries shrunk up to the size of pinheads.

That is all.

Happy Friday. (It really is.)

Thank you to the guy who works to ensure that everyone in the house always has pink flowers. :) You're amazing.

One small step for (wo)man.

I'm finally getting a chance to post about the Kid's Birthday Week. We had a small party at home on her birthday, and then a party on the weekend with all her dorky little friends. It was exactly what I had hoped for -- relaxed, non-theme-y, fun, in a really serene and pretty setting, with good food and balloons. As predicted, the weather was completely uncooperative; humid and rainy, and I was SO happy we got the indoor/outdoor space I wanted. It was huge, and there was plenty of room for tables and a big food table, and a play area for when we needed to drag the toys and games indoors until the skies cleared up again. The kids were fun, the parents were cool, and no one broke anything.

All in all, a great time.

And the soundtrack ROCKED!

They Tried to Make Me Go to Rehab and I Said HELL, YEAH! I am PACKED!

I'm tired.

Right now it's Good Tired, where every nonsensical thing I mutter out loud still cracks me up uncontrollably, but in a little while we're going to flip over to Bad Tired, and I'm going to fall asleep with my face in my soup.

Most of the time, this single parenting shit is easy-breezy, only because I have no real concept of what it's like to not be the only responsible adult in the house, and I can't remember leaving home after 7pm anyway. Sometimes, work schedules, illness, family plans, holidays, birthdays, and school closings come together in the perfect storm, and I find myself not remembering whether or not I've already used shampoo, why the car won't shut off when it's still in drive, or if I ate today.

Usually, I love watching Intervention, because it's always fantastic to see people who are a hell of a lot more fucked up than I am. It's like going to the beach and standing next to the fattest person you can find. Lately, though, I've really started to resent these vodka-swilling, heroin-injecting, crystal meth-smoking assbags.

Here's why:

A) I have to be sober, all the time.

B) I have to use my money for food and gas.

C) No one enables me. I would really like an enabler. I'm not even picky about what they'd be enabling.

D) When things get really bad, crackheads go to a ranch in California for three months to rest and talk about their feelings, and insurance (or A&E) pays for it.

I want to talk about my feelings. I need a freaking nap like nobody's business. I want to sit around all day in my yoga pants drinking Methadone and getting all introspective.

Why do the junkies get a vacation?

I'm going to go mainline some more Red Bull and get back to work.

SO HOOOOOOOOOLD ON! HOOOOOOOOOOOOOLD ON!!!!!!!

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.............